


But When the Time Comes

by TearstainedWhiskey



Category: Overwatch (Video Game)
Genre: Coping, Depression, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Lijiang Tower (Overwatch), Loss, M/M, Rojo - J Balvin, songfic sorta, sorta graphic death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-29
Updated: 2020-02-29
Packaged: 2021-02-27 21:47:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,291
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22952809
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TearstainedWhiskey/pseuds/TearstainedWhiskey
Summary: Sometimes the loss of a loved one is too much to bear, Hanzo knows this. And despite his many efforts to recover from the loss of his husband, it's all become too much.
Relationships: Jesse McCree/Hanzo Shimada
Comments: 1
Kudos: 33





	But When the Time Comes

Hanzo couldn't stand to look at himself in the mirror. His eyes were red and puffy and stung from what seemed to be a neverending amount of crying, and the braid his hair was in wasn't as neat as he typically kept it. Things were bad again, but it seemed like they always were after McCree's passing though he'd never openly admit it. He's tried everything from nonstop training, to meditation, and even therapy. Angela had given him some antidepressants to help, but they could only do so much to ease the pain. And the sleeping pills hardly kept him asleep long enough to forget despite taking a few more each time he woke up. Every so often he found himself back here, gripping the sink so hard that his knuckles turned white and crying until he couldn't anymore. And tonight was one of those nights.

He needed to let go, he _had_ to let go. But he couldn't. How could he? Holding on was the only thing that kept him standing even as his vision went blurry and his heart rate increased. He was panicking and it was a normal occurrence as of late, especially whenever he remembered that night. So he remembered Zenyatta's advice: count to five and let the memory play out. Learn to accept what can not be changed. He closed his eyes, took a deep breath, and began to count.

_One_

"Jesse?" He spoke into the comm on his wrist. All he got was static and the sound of rain. It worried the hell out of him, but he couldn't leave his position even with the low visibility. "Jesse, please respond..." He spoke again. It was only the two of them on this mission, and that bothered him. Leaving his post meant potentially leaving Jesse without cover, not like he could provide much through the heavy rain anyway. 

_Two_

Hanzo jumped down from his post and ran towards where he knew Jesse went. He was taking a big risk in doing so, but the lack of a reply was driving him crazy. Jack knew it was a bad idea to send them together, especially with how protective they were of each other, but they knew their boundaries. They knew only to check on the other if they went too long without communicating and five minutes of pure static was long enough in Hanzo's book.

In scouting the area he found Jesse's hat as well as his crushed communicator near the bridge of the garden. It wasn't uncommon for Jesse to lose his hat in a scuffle, leaving Hanzo to retrieve it for him, but his communicator was concerning. When he went to pick up the items, he heard _it_. A single shotgun shot that would haunt his dreams for months to come.

_Three_

He flinched at the sound and turned his head in the direction of the sound. It was close, he knew that, and he ran towards it. The first thing he saw was Reaper standing over something, no, _someone_ , and noticed the smoke seeping out from one of his shotguns. He removed his bow and an arrow from his quiver and shot a warning arrow at the Reaper's feet. When he turned around, Hanzo drew another arrow and aimed it for his head.

"Get away from him." He warned, ready to take the shot if necessary.

The Reaper laughed and Hanzo could almost see the smile he had behind the mask. "He's finished," Reaper spoke before fading into his wraith form and teleporting away.

Hanzo already knew he was close by. He knew that Reaper wasn't the type of man to just take something away from someone, he wanted to watch them suffer. He took pride and seeing the damage he'd caused and for now, Hanzo didn't care. He needed to see whose body was lying there inside that pagoda.

_Four_

When he got closer, he could see the large hole in Jesse's chest and did his hardest to fight back what he was feeling. He dropped his bow to the ground and ran to kneel at his husband's side. "Jesse?! Please..." He took off his own jacket and placed it over the wound, applying pressure to keep him from bleeding out. "Someone, please! We need emergency evac!" He shouted into his communicator while maintaining pressure with his free hand.

Jesse weakly opened his eyes and lightly grabbed his arm. "Han..." he coughed up dangerous amounts of blood as he tried to get Hanzo to stop.

He was reluctant, but he did and held Jesse in his arms. "You...can not die...not now..." He lowered his head as tears rolled down his face.

"I..." Jesse could hardly get out a word as he hacked up more blood and the immense pain prevented him from thinking clearly. "I...love you...Han..." He held out his hand and Hanzo took it in one of his own and brought it to his face. He didn't care if it ended up stained with blood, he just wanted to feel his love's gentle touch one last time.

"Jesse, just a little while longer." Jesse smiled at him, but that smile quickly faded as he took his last breath in Hanzo's arms. "Jesse..." Hanzo rested his forehead against Jesse's and cried softly. He hardly even noticed when other members of the Overwatch team came to drag him away with Jesse's serape gripped tightly in his hands. He knew he was kicking and screaming to be by his husband's side, but he couldn't quite place why. The world seemed empty and all he was doing was making noise.

_Five_

Hanzo let go of the sink and he could feel himself falling for what felt like an eternity. All he could see were those happy memories he had with his cowboy. Their rocky first meeting, their first date, their first kiss...all of it hurt so much. At first, all he felt was emptiness, as if something were missing. Then he felt the pain of his loss, the pain of being a failure. He failed Genji when he thought he had killed him, he failed to forgive himself even though he promised everyone he would, and now he had failed his husband. All he wanted was redemption, and he felt as if he were so close. He was finally happy with Jesse and Genji both at his side, but now he was beyond ever feeling that again.

Jesse was Genji's best friend, and now because of him, he was dead. He not only failed his husband on this mission, but he failed his brother yet again.

He'd never recover, it was far too late. And in realizing this, he felt more weightless than before. The fall seemed less scary and he no longer felt pain, but rather acceptance. He still had the memory of what they had together, how his husband was one of the only people who could get him to smile even in the presence of others. And in his peace, he gently landed in a sea of cherry blossoms.

Off in the distance, he could hear the voices of both Genji and Angela calling to him, but he wasn't sure what for. It felt like some sort of dream that he wasn't sure if he wanted to wake up from. When he stood up, he noticed he wore the white and red kimono he wore on his wedding day, but with Jesse's serape around his shoulders. Not too far away, Hanzo could see Jesse in the black suit he wore that same day and smiled. As he approached, Jesse held out his hand and Hanzo took it happily. After so many months apart, they were finally together again.

**Author's Note:**

> Song and video made me cry and idk. I've been having a hard time with daily life. I'm sorry if this caused anyone to cry ^^' wasn't my intention. I just needed to write out this hopeless emotion I guess?
> 
> But seriously, don't give up ♥


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